Well...if you have heard both those songs...then you should be able to guess what this post is about. If not...then go listen to them both and put two and two together...even a cave man can do it.
Anywho...I have been feeling more and more apart from my friends lately. This especially hit me hard when my parents asked why I usually go to the movies with one of them...well boys and girls it is because the friends I have do not enjoy the same movies I do....or they are just complete morons and are much more innocent and child-like then what anyone around my age should be with a 4.0 grade average. Don't get me wrong I do love the friends I have, but sometimes being with them some of them for more then 7 hours a week is a little much for me.
But hearing my parents ask me that question brought up some unwated emotions. I do not know if I described this dude friend I had/have, but I will this time to make sure since he was and still is the reason I've been feeling completely unwanted and hopeless with a 'minor' low self-esteem issue. I've known him for almost ten years. We were on a bowling team together when we first met and personally, I don't think either of us liked one another then. We didn't go to the same school and all he chose to do was make fun of me because I was (And still am) over weight....then there was a five year gap we didn't see one another or talk because he had stopped bowling. Once those five years were up though he transfered to my high school during my junior year (making him a sophomore). We talked a little then and when my senior year came around we were close to being best friends. I don't think there was a time my senior year that we weren't walking to our classes together (We had most our classes together). We were both on the high school bowling team, one of the many interests we had in common....
We had a more then friends relationship going on without going the full length. We weren't boy-friend and girl-friend. We were just best friends with a little something extra. This was okay for the time being and I really didn't care if it had the potential to go farther. I did have a crush on this friend and I knew that he was way out of my league even when doing things with one another. He was picky with the girls he did things with so I wasn't gonna push my luck. Yes I know, bad on my part for being used like a whore. I've had worse things done to me then being used.
Now this is where I was getting a bad feeling...Graduation finally came around for me and with him getting a job we saw less and less of each other until our four-man bowling team from our youth league for teens went to Las Vegas, Nevada for the Youth national gold tournament (whatever the bowling tourny was for the national tournament). We spent four days in vegas. The first day we got there it was already night...spent a whole damn day flying there because of delays.. Though that night was not bad. We got to our hotel a little before ten and got to our rooms. Now I traveled with the two guys in the group to vegas with one of the guys mom and her boyfriend. Our fourth teammate arrived a little later with her parents and bunked in my room with me. (I know that was a useless information but I really don't care....I ramble a lot even when typing.). This first night in vegas though was very...very fun.
The parents that came let us roam around while they gambled as long as we stayed in the hotel. We grabbed dinner and went back to the boys room (right next to mine and me gal-pals) and ate. Now being in vegas we were all being dorky teens, it didn't help that our two teammates were and sadly still are dating one another (Mean to say but...., they're touchy touchy too much.} We eventually did some cuddling and when we went over to my room to try to go a little farther the other two followed because the gal pal didn't want her mom catching her alone with her boyfriend in a hotel room. So each time me and the dude-friend tried to be alone that night it was ruined.
Coming away from that now...the real point is...I have no clue how I lost this guy as a friend. I wasn't clingy...nor was I pushy at all. Whenever my friends see him he apparently asks about me, but yet never shows interest in wanting to talk to me to my face. After vegas everything changed and I lost one the very few people in this world I could actually joke with about movies or TV shows and not be asked "What is that? or told "I don't like watching those kinds of shows"...."I don't wath a lot of tv." Clarke...you are truly a mix of Hot 'N Cold and The Asshole Song.....I enjoyed the time we spent together, but when you choose to keep our two teammates friends and get back with the chick that is always the on and off thing...I don't think I can continue believing that we are friends still or even close to being that......
