Again...

Again it has happened. I went out with my two best friends and the guy just text his on again off again Ex. I really am getting irked by this because it hurts. I feel like I am being ignored by this. It's hot as hell in my room and it isn't really making me feel any better. Today could have been a hell of a lot better, but it won't be. It never is. 
   I've been feeling more and more depressed lately and it's bothering me to the point of wanting to disappear. I've thought about it many times before, especially when my parents start to fight a lot. I figure I shouldn't complain so much. Some have it worse than me, but days like today really just hurt and piss me off. 
   "Stacy won't text me back." "I hope Stacy hurries and texts me back." "I miss her. I wish we could get back together." Neither one of them are over one another and neither one of them is fit for each other. They break up a month after dating...sometimes time even a month. I actually feel like I'm gonna cry, but I can't. If I cry right now he'll ask what's wrong and he can tell when I'm lying. I wish this would disappear sometimes if I cannot. I wish that I can actually find a guy who isn't obsessed with anyone...and actually understands what it feels like.
     I hope he finds this one day, because when he does, maybe he understands how much it really hurts....Heh, Like that would ever happen. At least he has good looks...guess ugly people won't ever find true love with someone better them then since men never settle or people below them. 

Best Dude Friend

As I type this I sit here with one of my best guy friends; thankfully he cannot see what I'm writing. It irks me that I'm pretty much ignored when I drive him over to my house. He stays on his laptop or phone and just talks to his ex (On and off again with her almost all the time) and it really is starting to bug the piss out of me. And as I type this he's telling me that i'm typing like i'm enraged, which I'm a little angry, but not much. Anywho! 

We're actually watching the new episode of South Park tonight and I was really hoping for more than bonding time with him with the bodies, but that probably won't happen because of his ex. I'm not sure really why I'm typing this tonight since this usually happens all the time when he's over....and now he decides to close his laptop when the show starts...just gotta love it. I'm just feeling ignored I guess. I try so hard to be a good friend and it doesn't help that my entire last month and a half has been spent at my aunts house helping her move, cutting out friend time....and now he's checking his phone....really fucking pisses me off.  I'll post more later. 

Sorry for any misspelling 

League Night...and....children....

Tonight was my every other Saturday bowling league with my two besties and one of the besties family friend. Now, these past two weeks have been brutal mentally and emotionally. I've been helping move my aunt into her new house and been at her old house everyday this week cleaning it out and setting up for a yard sale. I don't know why I thought tonight would be good, the only thing good about it was my bestie guy who came over afterwards.

  Now, I don't mind children, I really don't. I honestly don't know why I assumed that a couple on the league wouldn't bring their three kids (4, 5, and 1 I believe) the younger one goes into one of the baby crib pens and the other two just run around the bowling alley asking everyone for money after they're told no by their parents and grandparents...and this is every league night. It's an adult league, and honestly, I feel like it's a peewee league with the children there because all they do is run around and scream before asking you for money. The asking for money thing goes on the entire night. They're parents ignore them and the grandparents just tell them to sit and ignore the rest of the time.
   I know I am not the only one that feels this way. A few others tonight finally had it as well and it's only the second day of the season (the children have been going to the bowling alley since they were born I am assuming since they were there last year when I visited a friend as she bowled). I didn't even grab a drink tonight out of fear of snapping and actually yelling at them. If it wasn't enough for that they wanted to take the gift bag I had brought with me for one of my besties because they thought I brought it for them. Apparently they're not use to realizing the world doesn't revolve around them, but everyone grows up differently. I grew up knowing my place, but that's me.

   But honestly, I don't mind children. I just feel that if you have more than two and you can't control them, don't bring them to the bowling alley; get a babysitter and if you can't afford one, stay home. All in all, I had an okay game wise. I think I can reach an average in the 190's this year, though I have bowled more 200 games than anything in my life already and should be there.... Ah well. Two more weeks before the next league night...and we get to face that team with the children. I wanna just be done with it. I'm tired...so night ya'll. Sorry for any spelling errors.

Minecraft and Friend-zone

Well, today I've come to realize a few things by just sitting here and thinking. First off though, I must say that Minecraft mods for Pokemon and Digimon are fun. Pokemon more so though. Digimon mod isn't extremely great, but it's fun if you know how to play it and you don't have a tone of terrain mods loaded in because I cannot find the damn Digi Village to save my life. Pokemon on the other hand is something I could play for hours on end. I remember when it first came out when I was only 4 years old...maybe 5...I honestly can't remember, but I was so excited! BUT....it sucks when you play by yourself and rather easy when you are addicted to using cheats in Minecraft....


   Anywho....friend-zone (or however you wish to spell it) is something I'm coming to know very well. I have two guys I talk to a lot...everyday usually. One I see in person probably 3 times a week, maybe more depending on if we can afford it money wise. The other is my internet buddy. Internet buddy has a girlfriend who, in my mind, is emotionally and verbally abusive to him and he takes it. The other friend has a girl who has been on and off with him and every time he is over they talk...all the time...through text of course. I feel like I'm friend-zoned. I feel as if that I'm being ignored. 
   I understand that I am not the slimmest of people, but I'm a hell of a lot nicer than either of those girls. The one breaks up with the bestie every other week when they date. The online buddy has to tip toe around what he says so his gf doesn't bite his head off. I guess I'm just irked that I'm ignored and looked over because of...welll I don't even know. I try to be nice...I try to be caring and considerate. i sometimes just wish that someone would choose me for once...and not some guy who stalks me (happened in high school creepily enough). 

    Well I am sorry for any grammar errors. I'm writing this as I'm slowly falling asleep. I plan to try and work out a little more and eat a little less so I can get onto that diet idea I wanted to do in high school Anywho, until next time readers, what little of there are of you. Nights!

Recent Things......

I have not posted on here in a while...>.< This past year has been a challenge for me and these past few weeks have made me really question what I should do with my life and if I want to even stay here with my parents or talk to them after I move out. 

      I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately because I haven't applied to any colleges since graduating high school two years ago. I've been looking for a job since my parents will be moving to Pennsylvania any day now and their constant fighting has really irked me beyond what I can handle; not to mention just meeting a relative and his wife yesterday has really pushed me past what I can handle. Living in Ohio couldn't be any better than this.

     My parents and I have been helping my aunt move these past few weeks due to some family problems. Yesterday my second cousin on my father's side and his wife came out to help us. I have never met them before and I was fine with that since my entire family on both sides don't really talk to us or like us that much. I was more concerned with getting my aunt moved out and just said a quick 'hello' and started to work again.
     First impressions last a lifetime and I am more than positive I never want to see these two ever again. If it wasn't for them being idiots it was for my second cousin's wife harping on me to go to college. I rather not go to college at this time because financially it's a bad choice; even with grants and scholarships it would be hard just to pay for one year of college, even with my parents help as well. Sadly, she could not wrap her head around this and continued the entire time to tell me that I'm such a great artist because my mother said so. My mother always brags about things and lies....I am a great artist, but nowhere as near as good as she bragged...I would of preferred it being how great I am at bowling or something. But, as it were, my second cousins wife just went on and on...she wouldn't stop. Even when she and her husband left the only thing she said to me was, "You need to go back to school.". I can see if I've known her and my second cousin my whole life, but I didn't. I don't appreciate people telling/encouraging me things if I've only just met ya.

     Sadly I must go now. I have to finish moving out the smaller, lesser needed, things from my aunts other house. Hopefully I can get another post up here soon...probably gonna be about Minecraft or the new Harvest Moon game I've been playing...or even possibly about how excited I am for Pokemon X and Y.   I also apologized if I have any grammar errors. 

Hot 'N Cold with a little The Asshole Song

Well...if you have heard both those songs...then you should be able to guess what this post is about. If not...then go listen to them both and put two and two together...even a cave man can do it.


Anywho...I have been feeling more and more apart from my friends lately. This especially hit me hard when my parents asked why I usually go to the movies with one of them...well boys and girls it is because the friends I have do not enjoy the same movies I do....or they are just complete morons and are much more innocent and child-like then what anyone around my age should be with a 4.0 grade average.  Don't get me wrong I do love the friends I have, but sometimes being with them some of them for more then 7 hours a week is a little much for me.

But hearing my parents ask me that question brought up some unwated emotions. I do not know if I described this dude friend I had/have, but I will this time to make sure since he was and still is the reason I've been feeling completely unwanted and hopeless with a 'minor' low self-esteem issue.     I've known him for almost ten years. We were on a bowling team together when we first met and personally, I don't think either of us liked one another then. We didn't go to the same school and all he chose to do was make fun of me because I was (And still am) over weight....then there was a five year gap we didn't see one another or talk because he had stopped bowling. Once those five years were up though he transfered to my high school during my junior year (making him a sophomore). We talked a little then and when my senior year came around we were close to being best friends. I don't think there was a time my senior year that we weren't walking to our classes together (We had most our classes together). We were both on the high school bowling team, one of the many interests  we had in common....

 We had a more then friends relationship going on without going the full length. We weren't boy-friend and girl-friend. We were just best friends with a little something extra. This was okay for the time being and I really didn't care if it had the potential to go farther. I did have a crush on this friend and I knew that he was way out of my league even when doing things with one another. He was picky with the girls he did things with so I wasn't gonna push my luck. Yes I know, bad on my part for being used like a whore. I've had worse things done to me then being used.
Now this is where I was getting a bad feeling...Graduation finally came around for me and with him getting a job we saw less and less of each other until our four-man bowling team from our youth league for teens went to Las Vegas, Nevada for the Youth national gold tournament (whatever the bowling tourny was for the national tournament). We spent four days in vegas. The first day we got there it was already night...spent a whole damn day flying there because of delays.. Though that night was not bad. We got to our hotel a little before ten and got to our rooms. Now I traveled with the two guys in the group to vegas with one of the guys mom and her boyfriend. Our fourth teammate arrived a little later with her parents and bunked in my room with me. (I know that was a useless information but I really don't care....I ramble a lot even when typing.). This first night in vegas though was very...very fun.
   The parents that came let us roam around while they gambled as long as we stayed in the hotel. We grabbed dinner and went back to the boys room (right next to mine and me gal-pals) and ate. Now being in vegas we were all being dorky teens, it didn't help that our two teammates were and sadly still are dating one another (Mean to say but...., they're touchy touchy too much.} We eventually did some cuddling and when we went over to my room to try to go a little farther the other two followed because the gal pal didn't want her mom catching her alone with her boyfriend in a hotel room. So each time me and the dude-friend tried to be alone that night it was ruined.

Coming away from that now...the real point is...I have no clue how I lost this guy as a friend. I wasn't clingy...nor was I pushy at all. Whenever my friends see him he apparently asks about me, but yet never shows interest in wanting to talk to me to my face. After vegas everything changed and I lost one the very few people in this world I could actually joke with about movies or TV shows and not be asked "What is that? or told "I don't like watching those kinds of shows"...."I don't wath a lot of tv." Clarke...you are truly a mix of Hot 'N Cold and The Asshole Song.....I enjoyed the time we spent together, but when you choose to keep our two teammates friends and get back with the chick that is always the on and off thing...I don't think I can continue believing that we are friends still or even close to being that......

Disrespectful Doesn't Get Ya Respect Ladies

    So today was my league night for bowling. I have two friends from high school on it, one of the friends moms and another friends mom on my team, making five members on a team. Now the  people on this league are all women. Its  an all woman's league night and I am okay with that. Almost all the women on the league like me and my friend who just started this year. BUT....there are always one or two teams that must center out those newbies and look down on them.
    On this league there are about six or seven of these women who center my friend and me out. I dress in jeans and a t-shirt almost all the time, even in the summer since I am not comfortable enough in my body to wear shorts or tank tops. Now I usually dress in black t-shirts or a dark colored one. My jeans vary in blue shades and I wear black high tops. My friend has the body to wear tank tops and wife beaters. She skinny and not gonna lie here, a really nice rack that is a little better then mine. She wears tank tops often to league night and at the Christmas party the league held during bowling she was wearing one under a hoodie she had on. So during the first game she took the hoodie off to reveal a light blue tank top on with a bra underneath and not even five minutes later one of the older ladies came over and asked if she could cover up because she was offending some of the women in the bowling alley. Yes, the league has rules and dress code, but no one...and I literally mean no one follows it. No cussing, no cell phones or any electronic devices, no ripped clothing or anything.
    These women on this league cuss more then I have heard in my entire life time so far. They are worse then the drunk men on the mens league night. I give anyone who is like 40 or so ad up respect since they are my elders, but when they choose to look down on you because you are new or on the way you dress is something I can't handle. There is something called lane courtesy when bowling. I learned at a young age that if anyone is on the lane to your left or right, you let the person on your right go first unless they let you go first. If they aren't on the lane yet I just go then. Lately I have been already up on the lane adjusting on where I was going to throw my ball and the old ladies would just get pissed and quickly go. I can't stand it really after learning more about the rules...Gah...it tis just annoying. I see no point in respecting them when they will not return it no matter how nice and polite I am.

    That was the only excitement of my day. I will be trying to get the first part of my story posted soon as long as I don't have any more writers block. I've been getting distracted lately and that has not been helping. As long as my one friend can keep me focused long enough I'll be able to get it done by the end of the week. Until next time :)